awe.

i know my titles seem really boring at the moment (not like i update that often anyway). but actually i am supposed to be sleeping now, have to wake up early for a bbq, but once again i am in awe of God, and i realize i am nothing without him. and i just felt like posting this up.

well to be honest have been really far from God at the moment, been quite dry and struggling spending time with Him. its hard when there is no church that my relatives go to frequently. i know its my excuse because i can easily go to a church myself alone. sometimes joWong texts me and asks me if im up for going to a random new church in london and i get my hopes up, but often it doesnt materialize due to one event or another. 

in fact the only time i really feel God nowadays is when i start playing some hymns on the piano, hymns that i used to play with my grandaunts in malaysia, and my cousins just come and sit next to me and start singing, reading the lyrics. they do not know all of the songs i play but yet they sing along. and i feel God, the rawness they have inside of them, my cousins. its hard to help them grow spiritually when they dont have a church. but i suppose just doing my bit like this will one day help them.

recently, i was rejected a visa to the USA. i never understood why it happened to me. i was really looking forward to it. i was not confident in fact i prayed about it so much because i knew visas were hard to get. i never stopped praying about it, and always had that small possibility in my mind that i would not get it. and up to the day everything went well, my many hours of reading and prep went to plan, got all the documents i possibly could have and got for my interview in time. but after waiting for 2 hours for the main interview. i walked in and after 5 mins, the american guy gave me a paper and said i had been rejected without appeal. i didnt quite believe it. i asked him how why what? and he said i could apply again but most prob it would be rejected again. forget that i had just wasted 100 pounds, but all my preparation time and so many more things.

i walked out of the embassy, starting my long 2 hour journey back to my aunts house. thinking and in a state of shock, still not quite believing i was not going. i didnt understand why. i didnt blame god as i knew that god doesnt always give us wht we want. for a few days as i got to grips with the decision i accepted and said to myself,thats life we dont always get what we want in life. my uncle was so angry at the embassy he nearly wanted to sue them, haha. as were most of my relatives i told to, they were bemused as to why i was not allowed entry. but i wasnt angry, although shocked and sad, i accepted it. the wierd thing was that i spoke to some of my friends, and one of my non-christian friends from sunway told me, "Maybe its Gods plan that you dont go"!!! i was stunned for her to tell me that as she is not a christian, but i suspect she said that because that how i always talk to her. and then another of my non christian friends a few days later told me the same thing "Maybe its your destiny tht you are not supposed to go to usa, there is sonething for u to do here" again i was stunned. but to me i was like,,, WHAT DESTINY???? ITS JUST A HOLIDAY!!!! neways a month ago, i think i spoke to henna or maybe it was someone else cant remember, and she said "Maybe its cuz u have unfinished business in leeds come back to our church!" and i told her about my two other non-christian friends that said that to me as well. and maybe there is, i dont know. 

what also happened to me during those two hours in the embassy waiting for my interview was that a swedish man started a conversation with me. to cut a 2 hour talk short, he spoke to me n told me he was a church worker and did a lot of preaching and he worked in hawaii etc etc as well as philippines and a few other places. his church also did a lot of roadside preaching, and he was a arrested a few times for 'disturbing the peace of the public' and had to go to court. why he was here today was because the american authorities lost all his documents, in usa and deported him back here, put him in chains and a detention centre as well. treated him like a criminal. and he was here to get back those papers or else he was going to press charges. what hit me during his time chatting to me, was that a man who dedicated his life to god working all over the world, was put under persecution, and had to undergo trails. before i left i did tell him that i would be praying for him to get his visa sorted. it kind of softened the blow of me getting rejected. God showed me in his own way, that not everything happens how we want it to happen, but rather how he wants it to happen. a few days ago one of my friend's father told me, as i was sharing this story about my rejected visa, i said "well thats life and maybe god has a plan i will only find out later",, and her dad said sometimes we will find out later, but sometimes we will never know. and yes i knew that is a possibility that i will never find out why, but yea.

NOW as i kind of gotten over this whole visa rejection thingy. i suddenly get a msg from my aunt n uncle that i am supposed to go with, and they tell me they are not going to usa now! they will go next year and wait for me!! and im like wht???? supposedly my uncle is quite busy as well and they thought since i cant go they can always go next year. and im in AWE. hmmmm..... what is gods plan for me, will i find out in the comming weeks or never find out why......

what i need to do is start reading a bible again and do my quiet time. i know my bible is in leeds, but i think my aunts have one here. AND OF COURSE THERE IS ALWAYS THE INTERNET (just in caps to remind me that i am just making excuses for myself). 

im not sure what god has in plan for me for now, or for the future, but just like my titles. TRUST. CONSTANTCE. and IN AWE.

constant.

10 August 2010 – deadline for dissertation.

Today’s Date – 10 July 2010.

Exactly 1 month.

Well, i was just doing some work in the lab on a Saturday, me myself in the whole big room, because yes it’s a Saturday. So while taking a break i just thought id stumble across some blogs which i haven’t visited in a long time. Was really inspired by yee kuans blog posts. How she has learnt to trust God so much and rely on him. To see how much God has worked in the lives of people around me, and how much God has helped them, its humbling, very humbling.

And it just reminded me once again of God’s grace. Something that he gives us which we really do not deserve. Even as i get ever closer to the deadline of my dissertation, God has done so much for me both small in big. Firstly, finally He has given me some really good results for my lab work. Writing has been going well, getting there day by day. Initially i was thinking this month or so was gonna be really long for me and hard cuz i would be too free and i just don’t cope with ‘spare time’, but in fact i have been as busy as ever, hardly even having enough time to sleep. So many activities and events. We were just talking about this in cell last Friday, what we are thankful to God for. And He has done so much for me, not only big things but small things as well, like just keeping me busy or placing friends around me.

He has also shown me once again how great HE is, in the Malaysian Christian conference and as well as that ‘meeting’ which i had and some of you know about. How there are no boundaries with Him. Not just by personal breakthroughs does he inspire me, but by the work He does in the people around me as well. Personally to me, chew fats testimony has really touched me. How i saw chew fatt trust God so much this year, submitting his degree to God, and really put his all into God, searching for his words in prayer meetings and relying on prayer so much. And no surprise, God was faithful yet again. And many others results as well, especially the guys in our cell, steph how she passed her final year exam, and the law gang, second year medics as well as others. Its amazing.

I was speaking to su wei sometime back, how she was saying cell would be so different next year. But from experience i shared with her, life is all about changes, and how we need changes to grow. But besides the only other thing that is constant (our guitarist in our cell! Haha), God is constant, and he will forever be. And when things change God is someone we hold on to.

Something i was reminded off when reading yee kuans post which i have come across before. When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, you have to trust him fully. Cause he will either catch you, or he will teach you to fly. How true that is, that i have experienced especially over these 4 years. He never lets us down. every obstacle, that i have submitted to Him, i have overcome.

One more month. Push on. Not alone but with HIM by my side.

The end is near……

Its been well over 7 months since I last updated!!! I think I am encouraged to continue writing entries after reading through some of my old entries. When I read the old entries memories start to come back to me. For the past 7 months, although life has been very busy, I know in a few years time when I read my blog, this 7 months of my life will be missing. So here goes…..

I’m a bit lazy to upload pics into this blog because it takes so long and furthermore all the pics are up in facebook, might do it later. The general feeling I have now is a feeling ‘sadness’. Not the kind of sadness because something bad has happened, but the sadness because time is flying by too quickly. I have enjoyed myself in Leeds so much and I know its coming to an end very soon, even if I do stay back another year for masters, a lot of my good friends will be leaving and leeds will not really be the same place it was for me. As it is so many of my good friends have left over the years, but majority of them are still currently here. I would say throughout these 3 years in leeds I have not held back, and I have experienced everyday to the limit, working hard n playing hard. I know I have invested my time well as well, in MASSOC and Cell group as well as church, and have not many regrets about many other things here in leeds.

The end is indeed near. I still remember vividly the day I left Malaysia for leeds. I could not hold my tears back as I was embarking to this new place with no friends and unfamiliar territory. I took that big leap of faith and trusted God to look after me and provide for me, and He did. And although its nearly 3 years, it still seems like only yesterday…. Its all coming to an end, way to quick, way to soon….

This year, work has taken a toll on me!!! Biochemistry is tough!!! My third year project has been very demanding and even the course as a whole. I know I made the right choice of staying near to university, and leaving my ex-british housemates whom I have stayed with for the past two years. And I do feel guilty about it when I can never make it on Fridays and Sundays to meet up. When I used to stay with them, we would hang out every other day, so I had time for massoc n cell group. But now that we hardly see each other I do feel bad for not attending events, but I know it’s for a bigger purpose….

In the midst of my busy biochem schedule, I have been really enjoying myself and maximizing my time. Birthdays are abundant, meet-ups are a must and dinners are a dozen a dime. No short of travelling as well!! And I know this feeling will all go away very soon….   I think I’ve also slowed down in the events department. In the first year I wanted to try a lot of different things and 14 of us in charles morris gang, dobree/wetton gang, would go partying almost 4 times a week during freshers week!! Those were crazy times!! When we came back our feet would be numb eating hot takeaway pizza. I’m not as interested in going partying nowadays and attending socials and sometimes I rather stay home n rest or just meet up with friends. I used to do so much in the first 2 years, and also with MASSOC. I think it also has something to do with me taking up the role as cell leader,  that I have invested a lot of my time to cell. I think thats my personality, when I take something up I am fully dedicated to it, sometimes over dedicated. It was the same in MASSOC, I would put so much time and effort into what I was doing.

The MASSOC Agm has just been over, it brought back a lot of memories to me, cause MASSOC is something that I hold very close to my heart. I ran for president some years back, and it was one of the turning points of my life, until today I still remember that day crystal clear. That was because I ran for that post not really for position and fame, but really for a higher purpose. Some of my ex-committee members have come to me and said that they have missed the MASSOC involvement, cuz although it was very tiring and hard work, at the end of the day, we know the reason we did our best for massoc, and I hope the next committee will do the same. Lives were touched and lives are continuing to be touched, and I think I’ve done my part in imparting that message to the juniors, its now up to them and their turn to show me they can do the same.

I will continue doing my best in what ever time I have left here, travelling, cell group, studying, playing, as I always have. Nothing much can slow me down. It’s going to be a few last few months of year 3. I finally perfected nasi lemak (with the help of a few of my housemates) when I cooked it for the cell group juniors one Saturday evening. Jokes aside I thought it tasted so much like home!! Because I used to eat nasi lemak about 6 times a week, and I was suffering when I first came over to leeds!!! Hope the juniors liked it…

if only i knew how to cook this in yea 1.........

not bad eh food critiques? hahah

bad presentation, got carried away after cooking, didnt think of taking many photos.

 I finally watched a match at anfield! After 3 years!!!, thanks to Julian, one of my good friends from 1^st year, he used to look after me so much in year 1, and even until today he still is kinda like a big bro to me!!! I was literally 3 metres away from gerrard and riena, the only bad point would be that torres was injured n did not play, but other than that everything went well!! I even saw myself on Match Of the Day!!! Because I was actually sitting 3 rows behind the goal post.

very blurry picture of the kop!!! ad another cear one somewhere but lazy to upload again. i shed a few tears when before the match when 40000 ppl stood up, lifted their scarves and sang you'll never walk alone! it was a surreal feeling! never thought i would experience it myself. 

This is how close i was to the players! it was like a dream come through! 

And recently we went for the ALL-ENGLAND Badminton championshps in Birmingham. Had such a good time over there, went over on Friday after handing in my FINAL YEAR PROJECT!! (Yes that is done as well!! More reason to celebrate!!) met up with kang han, had dinner at a Malaysian restaurant, which the nasi lemak was no where as good as mine, visited a few places in Birmingham at night. Daniel and I slept at kanghans place while the 7 others stayed in hotels. The next day we went to the stadium and it was crazy stuff!!! Shouted like mad and finally got to see all the badminton players in person!!! After 3 attempts of going to the all-england (always the same date as massoc ball except for this year). Then did more sightseeing and eating. On Sunday the final between chong wei and Lin Dan had a crazy crazy Malaysian atmosphere! And we even appeared on National tv holding the Malaysian flag!!!

The Malaysian contingent

Also before the easter holidays, there was the MASSOC Ball 2009! It was slightly different from the past years however nevertheless significant in its own way, then there was the hugely successful easter outreach which we had really little time to prepare for, and lastly my 10 day italy and Switzerland trip (will blog about tht another time).

The new and old MASSOC committee, i am actually not part of these 2 committees, just a retiree.. hahaha

Now as I sit in my room studying, realizing that time has slowed down so much, I wonder what the future holds for me. Its times like this when we actually have time to reminisce and many thoughts come in and out of our minds. Life is not as hectic as before, but after the good break I had in italy, I know its now time to study hard. Will leave my thought at here for now. Until my next post? In 6 months? Probably not!!!

Peace_out

what a summer !!!!!

its been one great holiday, 13 consecutive weeks of fun since i came back on june 19th. As my aunts are about to board the plane back to london tomorrow (they came for approximately 5 weeks!), everything is going to be back to normal, not only a well needed rest for me, but also for many other people in family.

I have got roughly less than two weeks in malaysia myself. And the last weekend i have here will be back in batu pahat! i can sense another food marathon. Well, its been a good holiday n i can say im quite ready to head back to the uk, and start studying hard again for my final year. Got to play hard and work hard as well. I noe third year is gonna be tough, but i am quite settled there already i suppose, have left Massoc so am relieved of many of my duties, and got a real nice place very close to the university (no more 40 minute walks).

And i may head to sweeden to stay with shaun for 5 days or so depending if i can get cheap tickets, n travel plans go according to plan. But yeah, ill be going back soon, but it has been a blast.

Just a recap:

Bangkok : My first trip back in malaysia, with my parents n sis.I have already been to bangkok. This was more of a holiday for relaxing and shopping.Where i bought a years supply of tshirts! cause they were so cheap.

Batu pahat : Met up with all my relatives on my dads side n had countless meals.

(Picture to be up soon)

Kijal : We drove there with all my aunts n relatives from london. Did sooo many out door sports, kayaking, snorkelling, squid catching, bicycling, swimming, island hopping etc etc got roasted at the end of the holiday, but it seems like it was such a long time ago.

Penang : The big one where 30 of my relatives and family drove up to penang for 4 days, for my grandmas so-called 80th bday celebration in penang, we went up in six cars, booked 2 suites and 6 rooms in the hotel (practically taking up the whole floor), and had a dinner with our relatives n friends in penang one of the nights. Not to mention the constant eating, visiting the cemetary and shopping sprees, was a great one!

Japan : Went to japan for ten days, stayed with waijung again. He took me all over for natural hot spas, shopping, a bit of sightseeing, disneyland, disneysea and we climed up mount fuji!

 Outside Disneyland

Mt Fuji

What else?

Countless mahjong session!

Many other Birthday dinners!

Poh renes bday

shinnys bday

Local Fruit Marathons!

Swimming, swimming and more swimming!!!

Food Marathons!!!

Family Photo Shoots!

And Lots of shopping and packing!

I THINK,,,,, IM ABOUT READY TO GO BACK!!!!!!!!

IT WAS A GOOD BREAk

Liverpool so far....

Its been a good start to the premiership for liverpool. 2 wins out of 2. With some good players such as robbie keane, dosenna, daegen and a few more. Robbie clearly needs time to gel with torres and when that happens something magical will happen at anfield. Two underpar performances (and one miserable draw in the champs league qualifier) but 6 crucial points, more so the one at anfield.

What a lot of pundits have been saying regarding, winning ugly and winning when the team is playing badly is very true, something liverpool hardly do. I remember writing an article about this time last year when liverpool won the first game of the season, and gerrard scored that late free kick, that it was our year. Well this time i wont say it too soon and wait for a few more matches, although i do feel that this is our year, like many other liverpool fans.

I was as frustrated as any other liverpool fan on saturday. Gerrard was clearly not at his best due to injury, skrtel was out of sorts, dosenna was allright, but just like arbeloa they have not taken my heart away as of yet. Bernayoun was not playing well, and alonso had an off day. And like i said above torres and keane would take time. Luckily reina was at his commanding best, carra as consistant as usual and torres had a few sniffs on target.

Thoughts were pondering through my head, babel came back to anfield unnoticed, and a few days ago mascerano claimed he wanted to win the gold medal for rafa benitez, something of a sweet talk to cool his gaffers anger of him playing in the olympics. Clearly the limbo of alonso was also something not very nice which im sure affected his game (hope he does not sign for arsenal) and lucas was at the olympics as well. Not to mention the boardroom scuffle, and even with rick parry of all people!! Amidst all the chaos, stevie n carra came up with the goods at the very death, when i was consigned to all but defeat.

Very true, 3 points when the team is not performing is crucial in the premiership championship race, and only in a few weeks time will we be able to confirm if liverpool trully have what it takes, not to win the throphy at the end of the season, but to contest for it!

signing off with a pic of avril as she gets ready to perform in kl, peace_out.